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| Pearly Gates after Daily Polishing |
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| You can tell this is a serious writer by his pride in the three words he got onto the paper. Can't see them? Oh, he must have used White-Out. |
The truth is, I’d just as soon stay home and write, curled up in said faded muu muu on my bed with my laptop, as do anything else in the world. I will spend the day working on the ending of my January release, BELOVED STRANGER, briefly hobbling on stiff legs down the stairs for supper, then return to my awkward Yoga-like position on my bed to work some more on it. No doubt I'll find a rough spot on the last scene, but I'll simply do what always works: a whirlpool bath. Sure enough, in five minutes I'll have all the missing parts outlined in my little notepad, and I'll lean back to enjoy the soothing flow of the bubbly water. For maybe a minute. I'll spend the last 25 minutes before the timer shuts off planning my next story. (No, I'm not providing any pictures of me in any of the above circumstances. Don't ask.)
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| Demon Deadline's Workplace |
Ever hear about the writer who died and walked up to the Pearly Gates, only to discover the Gates were temporarily closed for their daily polishing? While he waited around for things to open up, St. Peter offered the author a tour of Hell because, he said, authors get to choose whether they go to Heaven or Hell.
Down in Hell, all the writers were squatting before desks made from rocks, pounding on ancient typewriters, while behind them some joker whose name was Demon Deadline (I kid you not) cracked a whip and yelled, “Write, you fools! Write!”
Demon Deadline in action.
As soon as the gates were polished, St. Pete and the author returned to Heaven, and St Peter showed the author around the Heavenly Authors’ Chamber, located on a remote cloud, perched precariously at the very edge of Heaven. All the writers were sitting before rock desks pounding on ancient typewriters. And darned if that guy Deadline wasn’t right behind them, cracking his whip and yelling, “Write, you fools! Write!”
“I don’t get it,” said the author. “What’s the difference?”
St. Peter beamed proudly and said, “Our Heavenly Authors get to be published in the Heavenly Times.”Real authors understand that. Of course any author who had a choice would clearly choose Heaven over Hell, but lacking that choice, he’d choose Hell over an ordinary life without writing. Writers know all about Hell anyway. Hell is a When as well as a Where. It'’s when you spent the entire night working out a fabulous scene in your mind until you know every single detail. Then you sit down at your computer the next day and discover you do indeed have every little detail in your mind. Everything, that is, except the words to describe it.
And Hell is when someone drags you off to a party to loosen up and have fun for a change, just when you’re champing at the bit to write that delicious love scene. (And yes, that’s champing at the bit, not chomping. All Regency authors know horses do not chomp their bits because Regency authors love their research even as much as they do writing.)
Heaven is when your hero is Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler and Jimmy Thomas combined in just the right proportions, and you have no trouble at all picturing him or telling anyone all about him. Hell is when you’re a hundred pages into the book and still can’t get a mental picture of Hero, even though he ought to be the sexiest, most kissable guy you’ve ever written.This ordinary world is very neatly divided into two kinds of people: Those who write, and those who know all writers are crazy. The second group would find no pleasure in running around all day in comfy sox and muu muus (or pajamas or sweats), but tying one on at a New Year’s party is something they find worthy of a year-long wait. They consider computers to be work tools and whirlpool baths a source for luxurious “aaaahhhhs”. Writers, on the other hand, derive incredible pleasure (or pain) from their computers. But whirlpool tubs, being the source of some of their greatest ideas, are clearly work tools.
So those of you who are not writers will not understand my New Years’ Eve wish. It is only for authors, who will have no trouble understanding. Here it is, my special wish for you, for now and all the years to come:
MAY YOU WRITE FOREVER.
And for the rest of you, who we love so much:
Buy our books! Live a Happily Ever After!
And for the rest of you, who we love so much:
Buy our books! Live a Happily Ever After!
Love and hugs to all!
Delle
Yes, here we all sit, pounding our keyboards. I can come up with the words and details; sometimes the scene is lacking. But the guy with the whip, he's *always* there.
ReplyDeleteDear Delle,
ReplyDeleteMay You Write Forever.
Amen.
Cheers!
Great post, Delle! And, like you, I'd much, much rather stay at home and write than dress up and go out.
ReplyDeleteDelle, as always you you told a wonderful story and it is so true of us authors! But not being a night owl, rather than sit up late writing I go to bed and get up early and write. So I prefer not doing the New Year's Eve parties so I can get up early and get to work. But I do love the bathtub for working out scenes. ;)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this Delle! It's so spot on! Thank you so much for your stories and the encouragement that you share! Have a safe and Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteLaugh out loud funny, Delle. May you have the writer's version of a Happy New Year!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say except that you have said it all. And I wish the same for you, Delle,
ReplyDeleteHappy, healthy and productive new year to you and yours, Linda
It's so very true! I can't not write, but it's so frustrating when I want to be home with my laptop and people think I need to be social! Also frustrating is when characters get mad at me because I'm not writing fast enough for them, but they're not giving me anything to work with! XD
ReplyDeleteKudos Delle. I cannot remember the last New Year's Eve I celebrated like most do; going out, drinking, partying. For as long as I can remember (mid-late 90's maybe), I've been driven to succeed, which means work work work, although I'm not a workaholic, I'm just driven to do what I'm passionate about, no matter what it is, and partying is not it.
ReplyDeleteSo many think I need to relax more, but for me, someone with self-diagnosed ADHD (the more coffee I drink, the more I fall asleep), I can't sit still and relax, it bothers me, I need chaos, pressure, deadlines, goals reached... Then I'm feeling good, fullfilled, accomplished, satisfied.
Everyone will see what I mean come mid-January when I announce the biggest thing the romance novel industry has seen. Something incredible that will revolutionize the romance novel industry, especially for indie-authors, but for everyone :)
And yes, I understand you from a writer's view as well, as I also write :)
Happy New Year! 2012 is going to be AMAZING!!! :)
Thanks to all of you who commented and kept the discussion going while I was gone. We came home last night to a sick son and two worried kitties and a few other things.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear so many other writers go through the same things! I hear from non-writers sometimes who have the notion that truly creative writing just flows from a never ending font. I thin it usually doesn't. When writing comes too easily, I wonder if I am being creative or if I'm just turning words loose to ravage the page.
And Jimmy, I'll agree, it's not being a workaholic. People who are passionate about their work might be called compulsive, I suppose. But to love what we are doing so much that it compels us surely must be one of the greatest blessings life can give.
But coffee sure won't put me to sleep! For me, it's a toss-up on which can keep me awake longer, a cup of coffee after noon or a head full of ideas that won't be still!