Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Queen's Court

Here's something I received today from a person who is very dear to me. We were sharing with some friends our sadness over the shallowness of friendships we had mistaken for something of depth, and learning we were not alone in our loss and grief.  She sent me this comment on her own pain, and I thought it sadly beautiful, and wise.

"Sometimes I stumble through the vast twisted forest of shoulds. I should make a bridge. I should fix this fence. As if relationships are sacred. Some just aren't. While I could take full responsibility for failing to tolerate abuse and that might permit me back into the Queen's Court, I know not to expect accountability from the Queen and I know the abuse will continue.
"What I cannot do is find the right words to convince the Queen that our values are equal, that I deserve to be treated with respect, that her "Off with her head!" method of relating might just be WRONG. So I stumble out, back into the harsh light of reality.
"I know the Queen has some amazing qualities. I know she has admirable traits. I know her existence has great value to me. However, I am powerless to change how she treats me and I have two choices, be her footstool or be separate from her. So this relationship remains sacred in a new way. I wish her well. I wish her happiness. I wish her love. I wish the same for me. We are bonded forever in my heart, but that is where the relationship begins and ends."

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I write write write. Sometimes I travel. Then I write some more. And I have a great family who understand that I write write write.